How my Saving Grace came to be...

...It wasn't because I was in love. It was because I even remotely liked this person who hit me.. It was sexual abuse. I was taken advantage of and that night, my body decided it was time for me to have a little baby grow inside my belly. It scared me when I found out. I cried. I was 19 years old.. single.. pregnant.. ALONE. Yep, the one who said "It would never happen to me!" So, it happened and that's how my little one came to be.

I got the courage, finally, and kicked him out of my apartment. He was no longer welcome in my life. EVER! He finally left and I had a lot to clean up. My apartment; my life. If it wasn't for this one wrong thing that happened, I don't think I would be alive today - which is why I call Ayden my saving grace.

You see, if it wasn't for me getting pregnant, I truly believe I would have died at the hands of an angry young man. I locked myself in the bathroom when I took my pregnancy test and he came at me with a knife then he said he was leaving (PRAISE GOD! ... but then he ended up staying a little bit longer). He beat me, he choked me, he came at me constantly with kitchen knives. I almost passed out the day he choked me and boy that was it! I couldn't believe that someone would choke a pregnant woman.. well, someone who is normal wouldn't do that.

He left. I moved out and back in with my folks. I suffered.. but I became whole again. I paid my mom back for what I owed her. She nursed me back to health. I slept, constantly. Anyone who's been pregnant knows you sleep a lot but this was a healing sleep. This was survival. If I didn't sleep.. well, I'm just glad my family was there to help me.

Ayden was born at 39 weeks. He was healthy. Beautiful. And all mine! I never had to share him and in fact, I have 100% custody because 'he' signed over his rights. Almost 6 years together with Todd and our adoption will be final in a few weeks. He's a great husband and father and I'm happy to announce Ayden will be a little Schrader one of these days soon :)

If it wasn't for Ayden ... if it wasn't for all those STUPID mistakes ... I wouldn't be here. Ayden wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have married a great man and Owen wouldn't be here.

My Saving Grace ... I love you!