My friend changed some things around on her blog and it inspired me to do the same! I think in the next few posts, I will talk about my saving grace - Ayden.
I've always said "Without him, I'd be dead" and I feel like I'm ready to talk about it.
Keep an open mind with me here as I am a horrible writer and I ramble a lot. I wish I was like my sister, she can write and bring things to life. It's truly amazing to see her posts and I envy that. I truly have a desire to write well..
Almost 8 years now have passed since I met "him". I will refer to him as "him" because I hate mentioning his name. He was suave. He was handsome. He told me things I wanted to hear and I bought every little piece of a lie he told me. I spent so much time on his lies believing every word he had to say. He was a professional con-artist. He was good at it, too. I met "him" online. There, I said it.. Now you know, the word is out. I met someone off the internet! He had been watching me for a while and knew all the right things to say to make me comfortable meeting him. He was good at what he did. He fooled me.
The first time we met, I had this horrible feeling in my gut. Something (or someone, ie the Holy Spirit) was telling me to just leave the train station. "Don't let him in your truck. Put it in reverse and leave Angela! LEAVE! " I didn't listen. I stayed. I waited. It was a dark, rainy day - that I do remember. I got out of my truck and gave "him" a hug like we had known each other for years. The devil must've been around because it felt 'okay' at that time.
Looking back at that moment, I realize I could have been killed or raped (well, I was raped but I'll get to that in another post) or raped and left to die. How stupid and naive was I. A 19 year old GIRL went to meet a stranger and let "him" stay in her apartment. S-T-U-P-I-D!
Things went well in the beginning two weeks. We went out at night all the time and had a blast. It was so much fun hanging out with him. He didn't care who I talked to and wasn't jealous - that was all a part of "his" game. He wrapped me in to his game and I fell for it. I really liked hm. He was so nice and charming and said all the right things, for those first two weeks at least.
The third week of our relationship, he started punching me. I didn't take crap like that so I'd punch him back and that would be it. It was like that for a week or so and then things began to get violent - very violent. He would choke me and lock me inside. If I went anywhere near the living room where the only exit was, he'd drag me back into the bedroom. I was in fear for my life.
"Why didn't you tell your mom or sister or someone about this?" you ask.. I was afraid. Any abused woman will tell you they are afraid to say something or to tell someone. I was afraid he would kill me. After all, on multiple occassions, he said he would and I believed everything else he said so why wouldn't this be real too?
...
I'll write more later.. This is a place for me to share my life with you. It is not a place for you to pity me or feel sorry for me. I will tell my story and you will see how Ayden came to be in this world. You will see why I call him my Saving Grace. You will know why I am the way I am.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday, the 13th. Dum Dum Dum
My life as a parent to a new baby has been so much fun but pretty challenging. The first month of Owen's life was great! He was such a good boy and hardy cried .. he was held most of the time so I wonder why he wasn't crying. You see, we went to Florida for a week to visit my family in Pensacola and then we went to Michigan to see Todd's family for a week. Either I or my mom/sister held Owen the whole time in Florida and then I was pretty much left alone to fend for myself and the boys in MI so he was constantly held there.
We got home a week ago and boy was he fussy! I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him but I just prayed over him and held him and loved on him. It's hard to keep your calm 100% of the time with someone who can't tell you what's wrong with them so thankfully my husband and sweet Ayden have been around to help and make me laugh. I figured it had something to do with him not receiving anymore breastmilk (I was in so much pain that I quit nursing/pumping). I also figured it was just gas.. then I started to let the devil in and thought it might've been colic. I was so upset that I couldn't calm him down so I called his doctor - we went in to an appointment that morning and she had us switch his formula and it looks liks that was the problem. Looks like the formula was bothering his tummy since he was getting mostly breastmilk and just a few ounces of formula at every feeding.
He's been so much more peaceful and happy .. it's a relief!
Ayden starts school on the 25th - 2nd grade! I can't believe he turns 7 on the 22nd. My life is flying by. I have decided that I will be turning in my 2 weeks notice once I get back to work at the end of September. I don't want to miss time with the boys. Thankfully, I am able to be a stay at home mom if I wanted to.
Once we sell our home here, we will be building a home in Lillian, AL. We bought almost 6 acres of land and can't wait to start building our new home! I cannot wait to get back down south. So many reasons to move there...
-My family is there
-The beach
-The "warm" winters
-I know the area
-Stores are closer than 45 minutes away
-My friends are there
-More churches to choose from
-My doctors are there (I'm picky)
I'm really hoping we can get down there this year sometime.. Praying we will.
<3 to you!
We got home a week ago and boy was he fussy! I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him but I just prayed over him and held him and loved on him. It's hard to keep your calm 100% of the time with someone who can't tell you what's wrong with them so thankfully my husband and sweet Ayden have been around to help and make me laugh. I figured it had something to do with him not receiving anymore breastmilk (I was in so much pain that I quit nursing/pumping). I also figured it was just gas.. then I started to let the devil in and thought it might've been colic. I was so upset that I couldn't calm him down so I called his doctor - we went in to an appointment that morning and she had us switch his formula and it looks liks that was the problem. Looks like the formula was bothering his tummy since he was getting mostly breastmilk and just a few ounces of formula at every feeding.
He's been so much more peaceful and happy .. it's a relief!
Ayden starts school on the 25th - 2nd grade! I can't believe he turns 7 on the 22nd. My life is flying by. I have decided that I will be turning in my 2 weeks notice once I get back to work at the end of September. I don't want to miss time with the boys. Thankfully, I am able to be a stay at home mom if I wanted to.
Once we sell our home here, we will be building a home in Lillian, AL. We bought almost 6 acres of land and can't wait to start building our new home! I cannot wait to get back down south. So many reasons to move there...
-My family is there
-The beach
-The "warm" winters
-I know the area
-Stores are closer than 45 minutes away
-My friends are there
-More churches to choose from
-My doctors are there (I'm picky)
I'm really hoping we can get down there this year sometime.. Praying we will.
<3 to you!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
15 days old, my sweet angel
So my sweet baby boy is 15 days old today. Yay, happy half-month birthday baby! :)
I never thought I'd be a mommy again. I just didn't think that would happen with the way mine and Todd's busy lives were going. A year ago, we decided we wanted a baby so I got off of birth control. It broke me out in the worst acne I have EVER had in my life. That alone made me want to get on the pill immediately. How vain!
We tried from July-September and I didn't think we'd get pregnant but we did. I didn't realize it until one weekend, when I was alone at home with Ayden. I did not want to get off the couch that weekend. I was so sick. I thought I had a hang over to be honest with you. I only had a few glasses of wine the night before but I had never felt like that. So, I went on my day and just dealt with the blah feeling and took a good nap. The next day, we went to the dollar store to get my newspapers for the coupons and they had a pregnancy test at the register so I decided I'd pick one up. I've always heard the first morning pee was when you'd get the best reading but I decided to shower and then take the test that night. To my utter surprise and shock, I was in shock, I find out we are pregnant.
I had just gotten off the phone with him before I went to shower and I already told him goodnight. He was getting up early so I didn't think he'd answer the phone again and I didn't want to call the house phone - I wanted to talk to him only. So I called him again to let him know the good news and we both started crying. That man is so sensitive, I just love it! I talked to his parents for a quick minute and had to call everyone else that is truly my family.. I called my mom first, then my sister and then my best friend, Katie.
Without those people in my life, I don't know where I'd be. They all influence me and keep me a good woman. I will be honest and tell you that Todd and I were complacent with each other.. kind of bored with each other. No, we weren't looking for love elsewhere - just not best friends like we usually are. So, when we find out, it brought us closer together. My girlfriend at work would ask how Todd and I are doing and I would just brag at what a good daddy he's being to my little bean growing inside. I always said how wonderful he was to me and that things in our marriage were awesome..
.. I didn't think it would be better than that, but it really is. He's so good to me and to Owen and Ayden. He gets up at night with me and tries to help any way he's able to. Our marriage is thriving! You know what the old married people say.. "I love you more today than I did when we were married." Totally true. This man makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Our family is blessed. I am a blessed woman with blessed children and a blessed husband. It looks as if I will be a stay at home mommy, thanks to God for supplying us with what we need. It never fails how amazing he is to us.
We are in the process of selling our home and trying to get back down to Florida.. I can't wait to get back and get our butts into a good church.. just have to find a good one. There is a good one off Blue Angel, but it irritates Todd when the people yell out stuff when the guy is preaching. Then there's a sister church off 9-mile road. I love the music but the preaching isn't as good as the other one. We will probably try Hillcrest or somewhere else when we get settled back. We need it.
Anyway - life is good. God is good to us. We are a happy 4-some and I am truly happy.
Be blessed!
I never thought I'd be a mommy again. I just didn't think that would happen with the way mine and Todd's busy lives were going. A year ago, we decided we wanted a baby so I got off of birth control. It broke me out in the worst acne I have EVER had in my life. That alone made me want to get on the pill immediately. How vain!
We tried from July-September and I didn't think we'd get pregnant but we did. I didn't realize it until one weekend, when I was alone at home with Ayden. I did not want to get off the couch that weekend. I was so sick. I thought I had a hang over to be honest with you. I only had a few glasses of wine the night before but I had never felt like that. So, I went on my day and just dealt with the blah feeling and took a good nap. The next day, we went to the dollar store to get my newspapers for the coupons and they had a pregnancy test at the register so I decided I'd pick one up. I've always heard the first morning pee was when you'd get the best reading but I decided to shower and then take the test that night. To my utter surprise and shock, I was in shock, I find out we are pregnant.
I had just gotten off the phone with him before I went to shower and I already told him goodnight. He was getting up early so I didn't think he'd answer the phone again and I didn't want to call the house phone - I wanted to talk to him only. So I called him again to let him know the good news and we both started crying. That man is so sensitive, I just love it! I talked to his parents for a quick minute and had to call everyone else that is truly my family.. I called my mom first, then my sister and then my best friend, Katie.
Without those people in my life, I don't know where I'd be. They all influence me and keep me a good woman. I will be honest and tell you that Todd and I were complacent with each other.. kind of bored with each other. No, we weren't looking for love elsewhere - just not best friends like we usually are. So, when we find out, it brought us closer together. My girlfriend at work would ask how Todd and I are doing and I would just brag at what a good daddy he's being to my little bean growing inside. I always said how wonderful he was to me and that things in our marriage were awesome..
.. I didn't think it would be better than that, but it really is. He's so good to me and to Owen and Ayden. He gets up at night with me and tries to help any way he's able to. Our marriage is thriving! You know what the old married people say.. "I love you more today than I did when we were married." Totally true. This man makes me fall in love with him all over again.
Our family is blessed. I am a blessed woman with blessed children and a blessed husband. It looks as if I will be a stay at home mommy, thanks to God for supplying us with what we need. It never fails how amazing he is to us.
We are in the process of selling our home and trying to get back down to Florida.. I can't wait to get back and get our butts into a good church.. just have to find a good one. There is a good one off Blue Angel, but it irritates Todd when the people yell out stuff when the guy is preaching. Then there's a sister church off 9-mile road. I love the music but the preaching isn't as good as the other one. We will probably try Hillcrest or somewhere else when we get settled back. We need it.
Anyway - life is good. God is good to us. We are a happy 4-some and I am truly happy.
Be blessed!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
36.5 weeks
Today I went in to the doctor and got my first check since I had a pap last September. I am happy to report that I am 1cm dilated and 50% effaced. My doc doesn't think I'll have the baby early, but since I'm already half-way effaced, I'm a tad concerned. Not concerned in a bad way, just worried my folks and Todd's folks won't be here in time in case he comes early. They are both 13+ hours away from us here in North Carolina so it'll be nice if he actually comes on his induction date - which I might add is July 2nd. Just 3 days before my due date.
Everything is going well. The baby's heart rate always sounds so good. It never gets old listening to it! I've only gained 22 pounds, Yes!! That's how much I weighed the day I gave birth to Ayden. I'm very glad this pregnancy has gone on without a hitch. No problems have ever happened. I am very blessed.
Things at work are actually going great. We have a new boss - he's been there about a month-ish now? I love working with him. He's a mentor, which is what we've never had in my department. He is always encouraging and gives compliments when they have been earned.. which also never happened in my department before he came along. He's great. I hope he lasts because it's people like him, with a great attitude and fresh ideas that'll help my department grow. I really wish I didn't have to go back to work after Owen is born, but I'm glad I won't have to go back to a hellacious work place. Very happy about that.
Ayden just finished his last day of 1st grade. It's amazing how fast time flies. Just yesterday I remember finding out I was pregnant and now he'll be 7 in August and in 2nd grade. WOW! He is so sweet and kind-hearted. I couldn't have ever dreamed up a better child than this kid. He has been and always will be mmy saving grace.
<3
Everything is going well. The baby's heart rate always sounds so good. It never gets old listening to it! I've only gained 22 pounds, Yes!! That's how much I weighed the day I gave birth to Ayden. I'm very glad this pregnancy has gone on without a hitch. No problems have ever happened. I am very blessed.
Things at work are actually going great. We have a new boss - he's been there about a month-ish now? I love working with him. He's a mentor, which is what we've never had in my department. He is always encouraging and gives compliments when they have been earned.. which also never happened in my department before he came along. He's great. I hope he lasts because it's people like him, with a great attitude and fresh ideas that'll help my department grow. I really wish I didn't have to go back to work after Owen is born, but I'm glad I won't have to go back to a hellacious work place. Very happy about that.
Ayden just finished his last day of 1st grade. It's amazing how fast time flies. Just yesterday I remember finding out I was pregnant and now he'll be 7 in August and in 2nd grade. WOW! He is so sweet and kind-hearted. I couldn't have ever dreamed up a better child than this kid. He has been and always will be mmy saving grace.
<3
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Almost, ALMOST done
I'm to the point of exhaustion. I'm tired. I'm grumpy. I'm sore. I hurt all the time. I pee non-stop. I am fully ready to have this baby. If pregnancy wasn't so taxing, I might think about having another one in 3-4 years, but I just don't think I want to go through this again. It's all fun and exciting. It truly is. I've had enough and I'm ready to meet Owen.
I have about 3.5 weeks until I get induced. I'll be home for the 4th of July. I'll have 6 weeks to get to know Owen before I have to go back to work then daddy is taking over full time. I thought I'd be the one to do it, but that's not looking too good for me. Oh well. If it is meant to be, it'll happen. I just have to be patient.
Owen is growing well. I don't have any stretch marks. Ayden can't wait to be a big brother and daddy is nervous but really excited.
35 weeks ... 3.5 and counting. almost done. Thank God!
I have about 3.5 weeks until I get induced. I'll be home for the 4th of July. I'll have 6 weeks to get to know Owen before I have to go back to work then daddy is taking over full time. I thought I'd be the one to do it, but that's not looking too good for me. Oh well. If it is meant to be, it'll happen. I just have to be patient.
Owen is growing well. I don't have any stretch marks. Ayden can't wait to be a big brother and daddy is nervous but really excited.
35 weeks ... 3.5 and counting. almost done. Thank God!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
33 weeks, but only 6 to go
I am getting induced the last week of June (Hopefully Friday the 25th but I can't get everything I wish for.)
I am totally nervous and have been so moody lately. Thankfully it hasn't been since about week 32, but the moodiness really wears me out and it makes home life hard. Todd is awesome and just ignores my moods. I try not to talk to anyone when I'm upset but I know I still have this thing around me screaming "IM PISSED LEAVE ME BE!" I'm blaming it on my hormones. It sucks.
I guess I'm waiting on the house to sell - waiting on someone to look at it and fall in love with it. It's a burden and we're nervous no one will want it, but we keep praying and trucking!
Since I'm moody, I'm keeping it short - I don't feel like typing.
Hope you're doing better than me!!!!!
I am totally nervous and have been so moody lately. Thankfully it hasn't been since about week 32, but the moodiness really wears me out and it makes home life hard. Todd is awesome and just ignores my moods. I try not to talk to anyone when I'm upset but I know I still have this thing around me screaming "IM PISSED LEAVE ME BE!" I'm blaming it on my hormones. It sucks.
I guess I'm waiting on the house to sell - waiting on someone to look at it and fall in love with it. It's a burden and we're nervous no one will want it, but we keep praying and trucking!
Since I'm moody, I'm keeping it short - I don't feel like typing.
Hope you're doing better than me!!!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
31 weeks - 9 to go. Really?
I have not posted anything lately. I've been exhausted beyond belief, which I guess is normal. I'm so tired during the week and lucky me, not too tired on the weekend to enjoy it. Today was 90+ out and I laid out for a good 3 hours. I am a little pink but didn't burn. We had a great time outside today. I laid out while Todd pitched to Ayden. My boy can hit a ball! I read a dessert magazine I picked up at Lowe's the other weekend and now I have a craving for all the foods in there. There's one I am excited to make for July 4th. Hopefully I won't be in the hospital then (It's my favorite holiday.)
Back to my pregnancy.. I go back next Thursday during my 32nd week. I believe I will be going back every 2 weeks and then every week when I hit the 36 week mark. My doctor is on board with induction. Lots of walking and activity and I'm hoping I'll dilate properly so that I can be induced. I'd love to have Owen in June so my selfishness can get me home July 4th. If not, it's okay, but I really want to be home then.
Todd's folks and my folks are coming down as soon as we find out the date. It'll be a full house, but once they all leave and Ayden goes to FL with my folks, it's going to be so quiet! Minus the times the baby is crying :) As sad as it sounds, I'm looking forward to the crying. It awesome to be able to comfort your child when he's upset. I can't wait to see my husband with his very own flesh and blood. The boy was jamming and I mean JAMMING the other night in my belly for at least 2 hours (at one point I was over all the movement!). I looked over and Todd had tears in his eyes. That man can be so hard and have such a hard shell, but he can be such a softy when it comes to certain things. It makes me realize how sweet and caring he is. He is already a great daddy to Ayden, but I think this new birth will change him even more. I can't wait to see us transform as a family.
As soon as I get all dolled up - very hard to do with a lump on your front - I will take some pictures and post them. Don't let me forget!
God has blessed us immeasurably!
Back to my pregnancy.. I go back next Thursday during my 32nd week. I believe I will be going back every 2 weeks and then every week when I hit the 36 week mark. My doctor is on board with induction. Lots of walking and activity and I'm hoping I'll dilate properly so that I can be induced. I'd love to have Owen in June so my selfishness can get me home July 4th. If not, it's okay, but I really want to be home then.
Todd's folks and my folks are coming down as soon as we find out the date. It'll be a full house, but once they all leave and Ayden goes to FL with my folks, it's going to be so quiet! Minus the times the baby is crying :) As sad as it sounds, I'm looking forward to the crying. It awesome to be able to comfort your child when he's upset. I can't wait to see my husband with his very own flesh and blood. The boy was jamming and I mean JAMMING the other night in my belly for at least 2 hours (at one point I was over all the movement!). I looked over and Todd had tears in his eyes. That man can be so hard and have such a hard shell, but he can be such a softy when it comes to certain things. It makes me realize how sweet and caring he is. He is already a great daddy to Ayden, but I think this new birth will change him even more. I can't wait to see us transform as a family.
As soon as I get all dolled up - very hard to do with a lump on your front - I will take some pictures and post them. Don't let me forget!
God has blessed us immeasurably!
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